What a Healing Journey Feels Like While Living Real Life

DOROTHY A. HARRIS | Compass Your Purpose

Holistic Leadership Development Coach • Reiki Master • Author

Embracing a New Identity to Heal

Healing is often spoken about as if it should feel peaceful, smooth, and immediately rewarding. But real healing does not always begin that way.

Along the journey, things may arise that cause you to question what is happening. That does not automatically mean something is wrong. Sometimes it is simply part of the process.

When you start making healthier choices, you may feel worse before you feel better. You may remove foods that are no longer serving you, begin reducing harmful habits, or try to shift old patterns. Instead of immediate relief, you may feel discomfort, cravings, fatigue, irritability, emotional ups and downs, or a strong inner resistance that makes you question whether you should continue.

This is where many people give up.

Not because healing is not working, but because no one told them that healing can feel uncomfortable before it feels freeing.

And along the way, you may stumble. That is okay. You may give up sugar and then eat something sweet one day. You may slip into an old pattern for a moment. That does not mean you have failed. It means you are human, and you are learning.

Healing is not about perfection. It is about noticing, getting back up, dusting yourself off, and continuing forward with more awareness than you had before.

Progress, not perfection.

One powerful part of healing is choosing a new identity before the old pattern has fully released its hold. When I quit smoking, I was pregnant, and something within me shifted. I was no longer only trying to become a person who did not smoke. I was becoming a protector. That new identity not only gave me something stronger to stand in but also stronger reasons to resist when the old habit tried to call me back.

You can choose a new identity before you begin and continue strengthening it as you heal. Maybe you are becoming someone who protects your body, honors your energy, nourishes your future, or chooses freedom over familiarity. The more you return to that identity, the more it begins to support your choices.

This identity can become something you practice before the outward change is complete. When you want to lose weight, become healthier, or make a meaningful change, you can begin seeing the person you are becoming. You can speak to yourself from that identity. You can imagine how that version of you chooses, moves, eats, rests, responds, and cares for your body. You can begin feeling into that identity before the evidence fully shows up on the outside.

Healing strengthens when we stop only asking, “What am I giving up?” and begin asking, “Who am I becoming?”

Over the decades, as I have moved through my own healing, I have learned some things that may help you navigate your healing journey with more awareness and support.

Have you ever wondered about the intelligence within your body? Many of us never even give it much thought.

There is something within you that is always working to keep you alive. Your body breathes on its own, even while you sleep. Your heart pumps blood throughout your body to nourish and cleanse your organs. Your body registers pain, discomfort, thirst, fatigue, heat, cold, and countless other signals, often before your conscious mind fully understands what is happening.

And here is something else to consider: Who or what is witnessing the pain, discomfort, or struggle within your body? That question matters. There is an awareness within you that can notice what is happening, listen for what needs attention, and begin learning the language of the body.

The body communicates with us, and part of healing is learning its language.

When you notice pain or discomfort, it can help to pause and ask, “What is this discomfort communicating to me?”

Sometimes what rises within us is true guidance. If your hand touches something hot, your body moves you toward safety. If you feel a headache coming on or feel dizzy from dehydration, your body may be communicating that it needs water, rest, or attention.

But not everything that rises within us is guidance.

Sometimes what rises is resistance to change. Sometimes it is habit, craving, fear, nostalgia, or the part of us that wants to stay with what feels familiar.

Healing asks us to learn the difference and, when possible, act on our own behalf.

When you try to pull back from harmful habits like smoking, excess caffeine, sugar, alcohol, or other patterns that no longer serve you, the mind often starts speaking up with thoughts. That inner voice can sound reasonable. It can sound protective. But it is not always a friend.

Something important to know is this: you are not your thoughts, and your thoughts are not you.

These thoughts often rise from the subconscious mind. Much like breathing happens without conscious effort, subconscious patterns can run beneath the surface. Their purpose is often to keep you in what feels familiar, even when familiar is not healthy.

When I was quitting smoking, I could hear those thoughts in my mind:

What are you going to do with your hands?

What are you going to put in your mouth?

How are you going to fill those empty spaces of time?

What are you going to do when the familiar moment arrives and the old habit is no longer there?

You love sitting outside on the bench in the morning air with a cigarette and a cup of coffee. What are you going to replace that time with? What are you going to do now?

These thoughts did not rise because smoking was helping me. They rose because my mind and body had become attached to the ritual, the familiarity, and the perceived comfort of it.

This is something many people on a healing journey come to understand.

The familiar is not always healthy.

The subconscious often fights for familiarity, not health or freedom.

When these voices and questions arise, it is often a normal part of making healthy changes. That does not automatically mean you are making the wrong choice. Often, it means an old pattern is being challenged.

Part of healing is learning to recognize which voice is guiding you toward freedom and which voice is trying to pull you back toward what is familiar.

Another part of healing that people do not always expect is nostalgia. When we begin resisting things that no longer serve us, the mind may try to pull us backward through memory.

We do not just remember the food, drink, or habit itself. We remember the feeling connected to it. We remember simpler times, familiar places, family gatherings, and moments that felt comforting.

The subconscious will often wrap unhealthy things in beautiful memories to make them harder to release.

You may attend a celebration event where baked goods are available, but you are on your healing journey. Before you know it, your subconscious mind may begin working to keep you in familiar territory by reigniting heartfelt memories that have been quietly stored within you. You may begin to feel old comforting sensations. You may hear music from a bygone era, remember the scent of an old favorite food shop, or think of a birthday party you remember fondly.

You may start reminiscing about donuts, a favorite coffee shop, a family kitchen, an Italian Pizza House, or a bakery from years ago. The mind may replay the smell, the warmth, the joy, and the emotional comfort attached to those memories. In that moment, it can feel like you are craving the thing itself, when sometimes you are also grieving a feeling, a season, or a connection you once had.

For me, my mind could pull me back to my great-aunt Jo’s bakery in Vermont. We excitedly anticipated those visits every couple of years. We daydreamed about stepping out of the car and remembering the delicious smell of baked goods in the air — the moon pies, the donuts, the cakes, and every kind of tasty pies. The whole property seemed filled with those delicious aromas. Walking into that bakery smelled like walking into a delightful version of heaven.

Memory can make the past feel pure, simple, and comforting. But healing asks us to tell the truth. Things are not made the same now. Many things are no longer simple. Many things were never truly healthy to begin with, even though we were not taught that.

Many of us were encouraged or exposed to things that were not healthy because our caregivers were taught the same way we were. That realization can bring compassion into the healing process. Most people were doing the best they knew with what they had been taught.

Nostalgia can be powerful, but it is not always wise guidance.

Boredom is also part of this conversation. Sometimes unhealthy choices are not only about craving. Sometimes they are about having something to do, something to hold, something to anticipate, or something to fill an empty space.

When you begin letting go of habits that no longer serve you, boredom can rise quickly. If you are not prepared for it, the mind may try to send you back toward the old choice simply to escape the discomfort of that emptiness.

It can feel even harder today because the world moves at such a fast pace. Many people were never taught how to calm their minds, care for their bodies, or create habits that support sustainable health. In many ways, unhealthy patterns were programmed into us before we knew how to question them. That does not mean we are powerless. It means we can begin reprogramming new patterns with patience and intention.

This is why it helps to have a plan of action for those moments.

A journal for writing can give the hands something to do and the mind somewhere to go. A walk can shift energy. A phone call to a trusted friend can offer support. Reading a book can redirect attention. Healthy snacks prepared ahead of time can make it easier to choose differently.

When I began changing habits, like quitting smoking or giving up sugar, my favorite go-to choices were carrot slices, cold sliced bell peppers, and celery. These or other simple nourishing foods can become part of a new rhythm for you.

Healing is not only about removing a habit. It is also about preparing for the moments that used to belong to it.

Empty spaces can also appear in times of loss. It is not only the loss of a habit or routine. It can come through the loss of a loved one, the loss of a home through flood, fire, or another reason, the loss of a beloved pet, or other life disruptions that leave a person feeling unsafe or ungrounded.

In those moments, the emptiness can feel heavy, disorienting, and hard to navigate.

When empty space opens up, whether through healing or loss, what we do in that space matters.

Whether expected or unexpected, difficult seasons and empty spaces need careful navigation. Preparation can make the difference between falling deeper into harmful patterns and moving through hardship with greater support and intention.

Here is a gentle reminder: many of us were never taught how to prepare for difficult seasons, but these are important skills we can learn, practice, and adapt for our own preservation.

When difficult seasons come, having a plan does not remove the pain, but it can help protect us from making choices that add more pain to what we are already carrying. Careful preparation is not pessimism. It is wisdom. It gives us something steady to reach for when life becomes unsteady.

This does not mean healing is about controlling every feeling or forcing our way through pain. It means learning to move with greater awareness. It means respecting the body’s intelligence while also learning discernment.

It means understanding that not every urge is guidance, not every craving is truth, and not every hard moment is a sign to turn back.

Healing requires discernment, support, and preparation for the moments when discomfort, memory, boredom, grief, or loss try to pull us backward.

Sometimes the hard part is not a sign that you should stop. Sometimes it is a sign that real change has begun.

Healing is not always comfortable at first. Sometimes it feels awkward. Sometimes it feels empty. Sometimes it feels emotional, irritating, or uncertain. And sometimes, that is exactly what makes it real.

Because healing is not always the instant feeling of relief. Sometimes growth happens as we learn to move through discomfort instead of running back to what is familiar. Sometimes healing is the moment you choose not to go back to what was familiar, even while your mind is still

asking you to.

That is not failure.

That is the beginning of freedom.